no rest for the weary!

Busy, busy, busy!!! That's what today has been... first - church to clean for the wedding, unlock the doors at 10am, wedding at noon, home for lunch and clean up, back to church for 2:45, mass at 4 dinner then blogging... I'll be glad when done! I'm wiped! -

- On energy -
no, not oil, gas, electric or solar... but our inner energy, I've been reading about the healing power of the force/energy that we all have. It amazes me how a touch can become so powerful just by channeling the healing energy outward. Over the past 4 years I've been told numerous times that I have a healing touch- something that I really should get a hold of and harness for the healing it can bring forward... I guess I just don't understand it enough to do that...

As I read more and understand more of what it is the more I will delve into its presence...

Where to begin...

Today has been a rollercoaster ride! Started off with cantor rehearsal then getting the car fixed... finished up printing the business cards for Railroad R&P... got mom and dad went to lunch to deliver them... left there - came home and checked messages... went to church for the wedding rehearsal then home for dinner... but first I had to figure out what was going on with the wireless mic system!... got that done and made it back home by 8:00pm... whew!

I hate days like this!

I guess the topper of the whole day was a post to born slave stating that after chatting with another slave - it was decided that we as slaves are not human! What the F@#$%$#%#??? When did dehumanization lead to a slave heart??? I'm sure Sir would love to have a blob... or better yet a doormat as a slave.... I hope not because that is one thing I am not nor will ever be...

Well... I better relax or I won't be sleeping tonight! lol

money makes the world go around....the world go around... etc...

It's too bad that a song like that has to be so true! But it is... Like today - I landed another contract... a nice easy one right now... just business cards but I'll be moving closer to the menus as soon as I can... but it was nice to deposit the money and pay off some bills!

Made a small booboo last night... sir asked for some information and I went on and on yapping about a friend that I've known for 20+ years... forgetting that Sir didn't have a clue who he was and how he fit into my life... this goes back to transparency and how much information should be forthcoming and when... and also how much is too much... I apologized for my forgetfulness and am sure we will chat about it soon.

Mom is doing well... there has been no further details brought forth.

Tomorrow will be busy... I have cantor rehearsal at 9, then have to bring mom & dads car to Brunswick, then to staples for supplies, then home to print the rest of the cards for the new vendor, then to the wedding rehearsal at 4pm, then to deliver the cards. whew!

I'll be writing some more on the book "Too much, Too soon"... it's interesteing to say the least!!!

A milestone...

of sorts! I handed out 3 months of music tonight! That will make June, July and August less busy... and give me more time to deal with more important things...

Today wa a basic day...not much happened out of the ordinary... looking forward to a quiet night.

a nice day

Yesterday was quiet and a lot of fun... and had a nice chat with Master ... an all around great day... so great I forgot to blog... me bad!

Today was fun in that I put together the summer music program for my choir and cantors... 3 months of music at 4 weekends per month (except August has 5) with 4 pieces per mass... 52 pieces of music times 10 people... 520! only 20 sheets over a ream! woohoo! but it's done!
Tomorrow I get to dump it on their laps!!! hehehe {evil grin}

Had dinner with Marc tonight at a mexican place in Lewiston... Awesome melon margarita's! and the chimichanga's not bad either! If I was looking for a partner... he'd be the one! yum!

Tomorrow I give my pitch to the Railroad restaurant and pub for the business package... say a prayer! I need the contract!!!

In view of the new contract I changed my phone service today to include 500 minutes and free text and pictures... woohoo! It ups the bill $10.00 but hey it's only money... can't take it with us might as well spend it now!

well... what's left for tonight? Some reading me thinks....

till later...

A day to remember and rest...

Memorial Day 2008 is here... at 8:00pm tonight I hunker down and watch the concert from DC... I always enjoy those... today was busy though... sprucing up the lawns, the flowers, power washing the back porch and painting the table... but after the hard work it smells so nice and clean and it looks picture perfect! And what makes it even nicer is the fact that my only duties tomorrow are get out early and water the flower beds and make the pasta salads... that's it! everything else is ready for a day of relaxation and quiet!!! I'm looking forward to it... it has been a while since I've had a full day off!

Picked up a new client today- the Railroad restaurant and pub... I'll be doing their business cards, menu's and hopefully their take out menus also... just the logo drafting and layout of the package should net around $200.00... then the cost of printing added on... It will be worth the work for the extra bucks!

Been scouting around for someone to give me a whopper of a flogging... it's been way to long since I've been a party to any kind of play... SC is next on my list... I'd love to play in his owners dungeon... going to see if we can do a tub chat on Thursday... that's been long over due also!
there needs to be another 3 or 4 hours in each day to get all the stuff done that needs to be done!

Too early....

Guess 8:30am is a bit too early on a Saturday for Sir to be up.... ;) I was up for 4 and a half hours by the time I was instructed to give Sir a wake up call... but i'm a morning person... I hit the floor running ... will have to file that under "things not to do..."

Played a funeral this morning... it was a happy funeral... not one of those sad things... I hate those... went to lunch then back to church... then out to dinner... it's so nice to be home!!! Tomorrow will be slower... after mass at 8am I have nothing planned except to finish and send off Master's weekly check in... Mom has a few things she would like done around the house but nothing major... so the weekend should be good!

As time gets close for the M/s conference I've started reviewing the classes available... there's a few that I would like to take... will be discussing those with Master as soon as the full schedule is posted...

to err - human

started off the day on a good note... got up raring and ready to go... and did... went out for some last minute foods for the weekend - got it all put away and bang! a sinus induced migraine hit I still have it but not as bad... ARGH I hate that! was going to work on the essay for a book I'm reading but can see that that won't be happening... even the light from outside hurts the head! I hope it clears before tomorrow.... I have a funeral at 11am then 4pm mass.... Was hoping to find some good camouflage pants today... but didn't... all I could find was cheaply made things... I figured I still have time so I'm going to check out some other places... did find some nice black soft t-shirts for the conference... next is black jeans... and getting the kilt cleaned... (I love wearing that thing!!!)
well off to darker places... like bed with the curtains and drapes drawn!

wet and dreary...

I started off this morning like I normally do... out of bed... to sitting on the floor in meditation to either Tai Chi or a walk... I was really hoping for a walk until I heard the pitter-patter of rain drops on the skylight... then KABOOM!!! a huge clap of thunder and a bright flash of lightning... OK... I thought... I'll do Tai Chi this morning! so I did my workout - text messaged my good morning to Master Larry then went down for breakfast... to my surprise the sun was shining bright... so I ate on the back porch... I thought Cool! it's a good day for deliveries and check-ins with my clients... so I finished breakfast - a blueberry muffin I made the night before and a cup of yogurt - and coffee of course! went in to shower and get set for the day! glad I had a light on... it clouded up and hasn't cleared yet... best laid plans! Got all my work done by 3:30pm! damn I'm good... lol

I've been reviewing past classes/workshops/discussion and tub chats that I've been a part of and came across one that I still fine interesting... the discussion of submission to a Master vs. Yielding to a Master.

Submitting to a Master is easy... letting them take what they want and how they want it... Yielding on the other hand is extreamly hard... to give to your Master freely and without reservation... I can see in my current relationship that yielding is not in the cards yet... trust needs needs to be built (hey it's only been 3 weeks 4 days!)... but it is evident that it is on it's way and in the right direction!

Thank you Master for allowing me to serve you!

never a "ditto" day hath I

I sat down 15 minutes ago ready to type out my blog for the day... then I realized that it was a same-old same-old type of day... work, clean, work some more... rather routine if you ask me.
Then I looked at my emails... particularly the quote of the day... heres one of the two I received:

"During an interview Helen Keller was asked if she would be happier to see than to be blind... her response was I would rather be blind and not see than to see and have no vision!"... ok... wow!

and the second:

"As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others."

I love how these two quotes speak of the same journey - As we journey into knowing ourselves deeper we become better at seeing others for who they really are... so as Helen Keller said in essence you are better off learning about yourself as it will help in seeing others reality... failing to learn about yourself will hold you back in how deep you can see others.

I think that made sense....

A totally AWESOME day!

It's been busy but what a day... started off with taking mom to the hospital for a cat scan on her throat... now we wait for the results...

we stopped on the way home to sign the contract to have the new lawn put in... $3600.00 total for 2140 square feet of sod, two flower beds put in, 3 bushes removed and crushed stone installed on the drip line of the house... not bad at all! I was honestly thinking closer to $5000...

then a stop to vote on the school budget... let's see 850,000 last year... 1.4 million this year... HA! NOPE! if everybody else has to cut so do they!

Then I got my hair cut... I feel 10 lbs lighter just getting rid of the curls!

and just feeling real good... looking forward to meeting up with a bunch of friends at the M/s conference... Last time I saw some was January at SWLC others ... well it's been a couple of years! way too long!

Been reading about the New York Dolls... a great book so far- will be writing on that later!

Now I'm off for a long walk! a great way to end the day!

Stupid things that blister my Ass!!!

What a title... but there are just people and statements that are made that rub me the wrong way... A good example is from Born slave - a member states that he is shy... ok we all are to a point... then goes on to state he is intimidated, scared and nervous when in the company of others including Masters... and that he feels the Masters "Know" that he is a slave... and judges him thusly... then goes even further to explain that he is nervous because of who they are and the position they hold...

Ok this is where I start loosing it.... while searching for a Master should I have asked to see their ESP card or their degree in mind reading??? and who started putting Master's on pedestals? are they no longer human? Please no disrespect to the Masters that read this but really... are the Masters out there really that scary that they intimidate?

I too started out with Masters being on pedestals... until I realized that by doing that I was setting myself up to fail... really... how could I - slave paul be worthy enough to serve a MASTER??? Then thanks to Master Larry and slave barb I woke up... we are all human first... we all make mistakes... yes that's right we all make mistakes!

PSSSS.... a little slave secret.... being a good slave is helping the Master feel that he/she didn't make a mistake... Ouch! did I just say that out loud???? Me bad!

Maybe tomorrow I won't run into so many dweebs! lol

Turn, Turn, Turn

Not sure why but this song by the Byrds has been wizzing around in my head all day:

To everything (turn, turn, turn) There is a season (turn, turn, turn) And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die. A time to plant, a time to reap. A time to kill, a time to heal. A time to laugh, a time to weep.

To everything (turn, turn, turn) There is a season (turn, turn, turn) And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down. A time to dance, a time to mourn. A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn) There is a season (turn, turn, turn) And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate. A time of war, a time of peace. A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn) There is a season (turn, turn, turn) And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose. A time to rend, a time to sew. A time to love, a time to hate. A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late


It's an awesome song when you really listen to it and take it to heart... for everything there is a time! A time to become the slave that is in your heart... A time to learn who you are...
and a time to stop looking so hard and live the life that is there...
Maybe that's what it is all about... it's time to continue the journey and release all the anxieties that I hold ... Maybe it's time to let the Master - MASTER!

Will the sinus's ever clear up????

What a day... started out ok got the work done at church... came home for lunch and BAM! I got the worst headache... even the light hurt... I took some Advil, closed my blinds and napped for 2 hours... woke up with no headache... I was so glad to get rid of that! Tonight is going to be a clean-up night... I have invoices that need to be recorded and filed and new ones printed and prepped for the mail... I have logos that need to be finalized and a few details taken care of...

I hope to find some time before bed to take a walk it being so nice out and all...

I received my orders for what I am to wear for the conference... I have a few questions concerning them but I see no problem carrying them out as described. I might take a trip to the Army/Navy surplus store to check out Camo pants.... I've always wanted some!

Well... need to get the work done so I can get to bed at a reasonable time!

Anger and all it intails....

I was led today to re-read part of Thich Nhat Hanhs book during lunch... not that I'm dealing with anger issues but more on how to deal with people that continue to hurt and be vindictive. Such a person is Ms. LT. As I read through the chapter called "No Enemies" I found that to deal with them is to give them what they want most... attention... and that their greatest fear is being confronted with someone else's reality... hmmm... The Velveteen Principles deals with the same thing... being real to ones own truth... and again in "Invisible acts of truth" - Gifts of Choice; tells us that to be real is to choose and follow our path - we choose to be real or not... and lastly Eckhart Tolle "A new Earth" Lead us on a journey through our egos and teaches us how to find out who we truly are. Finding that transparency factor that we all seek... or as the Velveteen Rabbit say "being REAL".

So I guess my answer is simply be real and allow her to gather all the rope she needs to eventually hang herself and the majority of a community along with her. Besides... it's frankly just a waste of my time dealing with her!!!

Besides that - Sent off Masters Chicken recipes today... will be sending more as time goes on... sent 6 but just ran out of time typing! Spent the majority of today away from homebase dealing with customers and logos... fun fun!

tomorrow will be a busy day - Since I was out today I will need to do some cleaning tomorrow at church and then get the choir area set up for Mass... after the two Masses are done it should (and I use that word hesitantly) be quiet...

Monday it's back to the cleaning - the upstairs is done - top to bottom now it's time for the downstairs... Friday the weather looks good - if I'm able to do it I'll power wash the outside the building! woohoo... get to play in the water!

We missed again....

Supposed to have rain today... but it never got here and the next storm is going below us... so tomorrow morning i'll be mowing the lawn for the weekend... and the yard will be done until they do the sodding.

the house is coming along well - floors to do upstairs then just the downstairs next week. Saturday is going to be a clean-up day... I have a lot of small stuff that I've been putting off that needs to get taken care of.

I was hoping to get to Stoneys for tub talk but with one less car that becomes an issue... the car should be back monday so next week will be easier to get there...

Tonight is going to be a nice hot shower then a movie -

Sacred Contract 101

What a glorious day - I've adjusted my morning routine to 1 hour of meditation, 1/2 hour of Tai Chi and a 1/2 hour walk and I've added an hour walk in the evening either before dinner or after blogging... which ever tends to work better on the particular day. With the beautiful weather I might as well take advantage of it! :)

I can see that my workload is increasing slightly... the reason is my upcoming vacation... by spreading the work out it will ease the rush at the last minute to get everything done and delivered before we fly out... went and purchased a new lawnmower today... the old push mower just died... Geez... only 40 years old.... they just don't make em like they used to.... lol

Had an Ah Ha moment today while cleaning... I realized that my night of doubt that I had brought me to a point where I had to make a Sacred Contract to continue this journey - my only other contact was with myself - but this one is between Master Larry, slave barb and myself... what it says is simply that we will be there for each other during this journey we are on... It was nice and made me feel a lot closer to them getting an email that said - "need clarification" - someone was there - reading and caring - - - - I like that feeling!

Well, I am going to get ready for choir then an early night... I hope!

What did we do???

... To deserve this beautiful weather??? Took a walk with Mom this morning... she did great! There isn't much to talk about today ... it was busy, fruitful and just an all around great day! It was nice to chat with Master last night - I look forward to many more chats and check ins! And a great chat with Mr. Stoney! complete with a date for a tub talk- I am so looking forward to that!

MAsT - I guess for now MAsT is a no go... everyone wants it but no one wants to commit to meetings - there isn't one without the other... so it's on hold for a few months... I'll check back with it in August (after the M/s Conference).

the rambling mind

It's funny how a couple of weeks work facing you can take your mind off the tangents and put them right back where they belong. I speak of yesterdays meanderings of the mind and the thought that where I was might not be where I'm supposed to be... but after some centering meditation last night before bed and my recentered meditation this morning and an hour walking in the beautiful sun of the morning I find that indeed I am right where I should be!

A life serving a Master in person will be nice... but now isn't the right time or place... my energies are required elsewhere - specifically with mom and dad in their aging process... they both require the support that I can offer and the ability to do the work that is needed... without me here I can see them moving to an assisted living facility by years end... not what I want to happen.

I found that there are triggers that will bring about this feeling quite easily... tops being the reading about what is going on in NJ... I will need to work on that - I just need to remember that for everything there is a time and place... and that I'm not the one that decides that... The great universe will direct my place. Let Go and Live!

a moment of questioning....

I sit here staring at the brilliant light of a blue candle feeling connected yet so far away wondering if I made the right choice. Is the distance too great? Is the need for contact too strong? I never thought I would feel this distant when my only local slave sister left... Besides the s. portland SC! But today I found it so hard to read about all the upcoming activities ML and sb will be attending knowing that here in Maine there is very little happening (heck... nothing is happening) even at Blackstones and the Sportsmans... nothing is happening! I know August is only a couple of months away but how does that help now? Let's hope that with a couple of weeks of deep cleaning facing me this feeling will too pass...


Mothers day was wonderful we shopped... we played... we talked... we sang... we cooked... we were present to each other... what a gift!

a reflection on Mom

As I look back over the years I see so many times that Mom was there - there just to say "Hi" or to have a hug ready and waiting... to kiss a skinned knee or a shoulder to cry on when the times just got too hard to handle... to travel cross country to drive back cause she didn't want me alone... there so many times...

I look back at the freedom and wings that she gave me and how she let me fall sometimes just to learn... and when I figured out the lesson she was there to pick me up and help dust me off so I can go and fall again. Mom has always been there to talk to... about boys, men, dungeons, slavery, and more things that I could ever list here...

I owe everything to Mom... who I am and what I do in life...
Il Divo says it best - Mama



I love you Mom!

A connection through the soil

Lots to tell about today... started off this morning by forgetting where I plugged in my phone- missed my 7:00am check-in by 45 minutes - I'll need to be more mindful of that in the future.
After Breakfast and a shower I hit the road to make deliveries on the way home I stopped in and did the church work... got home picked up mom and dad and went flower shopping... $375 at the landscaper... (that is above the $2000 for the new lawn!) - then another $170 at the florist for the rest of the plants... now I just need to plant them all... we should have a final tally early next week when the lawn gets put in...

Tomorrow is the last bean supper at church for the summer so I wait right now for a Maple walnut swirl cake to come out of the oven... I h ave a batch of Chocolate chip cookies ready and will do sweet and sour meatballs for the hot dish... The weather is supposed to hold out and be the same as today so I may get some planting done early tomorrow...

Terms - I sent off an email to Sir last night concerning a term that he started using... "Boy"... I've had a hard time thinking of this as a term of endearment because of past history with Masters refering to me a "BOY" when I am in trouble... I have many negative connotations associated with it... but Sir explained that he only uses that term as a term of affection and should be looked upon as a compliment. I wrote back that I would try to view it with a new perspective. So slaveboy paul is going to work on the new ID...

Everything is set for Mother's Day- got mom a digital picture fram and loaded it with the new family pictures... it's really nice! Anne sent a nice bouquet of blue iris and yellow tulips. An of course we will be going out for dinner... not sure where yet! still have a day to figure that out...

Well the cake should be just about reay to come out of the oven...

The green green grass of home...

lol... it ain't so green.... just came in from meeting with a landscaper looking to get a quote for new front lawns and crushed rock on the drip lines of the house...it will be interesting to see what they come up with!

Today was no where near as busy as yesterday but I still got a lot accomplished - even had time this afternoon to read! Tomorrow I start the spring cleaning in the house... I have everything mapped out of what I want to accomplish each day and how that will plug into my schedule with work and church. I should survive... at least I have in the past!

My only trick now is to get rid of the parental units so I can blast the tunes... Abba and the beach Boys are great to clean too... good beat!

Just finished "A new Earth" by Eckhart Tolle... awesome read! did have many Ah Ha Moments throughout the reading... as I process the book I will journal about those moments...

I love the section of the Bible that reads "judge not lest ye be judged"- I've been looking at feedback that I've gotten concerning MAsT and my applying to serve The Household of Master Larry... and what I sadly see if how judgmental people can be without even thinking about it...
It has led me to continue my ego journey... do I judge people before I think? Do I know the people well enough to judge them? What makes me so much better than them that I can judge them? Hmmmm... a lot to think about!

OW!

I have muscles that I never knew I had!!! Talk about hurting... but the yard work (with exception to the pruning and replanting) is complete... the leaves are gone and the yard mowed! And I still have choir tonight... HA HA HA HA HA.... it should be fun! would I have it any other way? not on your life!

The plane tickets have been purchased for the DC trip... Leaving July 21st, parents leave on the 31st and I stay till August 12th... I'm looking forward to it! I may see if I can stop by and see Master Jack for a visit... he lives in the same town... just need to find where. I would like to get to know him better... he seems to be a character and hey any friend of slave catherines can't be bad!

I was thinking today while mowing how odd it was to have a Master that wants me to ask questions about himself and his wife/slave. I guess odd isn't the right word- refreshing! that speaks better. I in turn hope that they feel free enough to do the same with me and ask anything they wish to know. I did ask some insightful questions and have more to send in time. Right now Master and slave barb need to take care of Master... Sinus's are nothing to play with...

well... I have a few emails to get out then choir to get to... so I will leave sore but happy!

Family!!!

ARGH! I love my family... but right now I don't like them much... I talk of the Texas clan... here's the scenario- We (mom, dad and I) were planning on driving to DC on August 1st, Katie's birthday party on the second visit for awhile then the conference on the 8th, 9th, 10th... then we drive home on the 13th... sounds so simple... HA! FOOL YOU!!! (with Chinese accent!). We knew the texas contingent was planning on coming up either July or August... guess when they arrive- August 2nd... so now after moving things around here is the schedule - Mom, Dad and I fly out on July 21st to DC, the party is on July 26th... Mom and Dad fly home July 31st - I stay for the conference and fly out on August 12th... so now I will be gone a month.... I'll have a lot of preplanning to do for this trip!

Crappy way to end an otherwise beautiful day... high 60's - had some running around to do this morning then decided since it was so nice that I would work outside again.... got all the back yard flower beds cleaned and ready for mulching- if the weather holds tomorrow I'll pull out the tractor change the oil and plug and go over the entire yard. Which will leave just some tree pruning and grass fertilizing... Next week I'll start upstairs with the spring cleaning - room by room should take me a full week...

Not much else happened today... go figure! LOL!

a candle, a contact, a connection

Ya, it's been a while since I blogged... but I'm back thanks to a directive from Master Larry... I sit here with a dark blue candle lit next to me as I read a message from slave barb... so I'm some 600 miles from them but I don't feel it... I feel if I call out their name they will answer- what a wonderful feeling to be so connected.

So much has happened since last I blogged. Master Larry, slave barb and I have begun a process of learning about each other- and the more I learn the more comfortable I am with my decision to enter the Household of Master Larry. I heard so many times how he was rock and roll and I was classical - he was tattoo and loud and I was zen and quiet... but there I am finding that there is so much more to both He and barb that most never have the opportunity to see and be a part of. Things like as loud as they like things- they also like quiet. He likes to read, he likes to just be with someone... that together time that is so important.

Two weeks ago I spend down and out with a good sinus infection- finally went to the doctors and got something to clear it up - after a week of that am back on track. Work is good and moving forward in a positive direction- church is there... what more can I say! All in all life is good and being enjoyed... the yard work is underway and with the help of some good weather should be completed by the weekend.

I'm all set for the M/s conference in DC... looking forward to being in service that weekend!!!
The plans are that Mom, Dad and I drive down on august 1st (friday), the second is the big #2 birthday bash for Katie then a week to recoup! the following weekend is the conference and we travel back on the following wednesday... should be fun!!!

Well the sun is still out and the leaves are still under the bushes so I guess it's back outside for an hour or so. Make hay while the sun shines!!!