Past readings revisited....

I went back to a lot of what I now consider my slave bibles... words to live by... two important quotes jumped out at me today and so I'll post them here...

Jack Rinella - Becoming a slave - "Use reality not fantasy, to resolve your doubts and you will find yourself living the kind of life you seek"

Wow... words of wisdom... this begs me to look at the "Play" status of Maine and to realize that the life they have chosen to live is that of fantasy... that's why it is stuck in the play mentality... there is no lifechoise here... just play scenes...

From the same book comes this one: "the surrender of one's will to another is not meant to imply that the slave no longer has a will, as he or she most assuredly does. Rather, it is that the slave's will is at the disposal, the service, of the master."

I see this as going back to a previous discussion on de-humanization of the slave. To remove a slaves will removes what makes them human... thus turning them into things to be directed in every aspect of what the master wants them to be... the blob of clay aspect of slavery.

I believe that Master Larry's thoughts are more in line with where I am on this topic... simply we are all human beings first... we all have the will and the right to walk away... what makes us different is how we utilize those rights and that will...

I look forward to that day when Masters, slave barb's and my spirit are united to a deeper connectivity!

short & sweet!

Yup that's what this is going to be... I am writing this as the thunder and lightning starts to roll in once again... this is round 2 today!

I'm feeling great and everything is going well... today was the las day at church with the current schedule... next week we change... I'm actually looking forward to the break!

I have two funerals this week... one tomorrow at 1pm and one wednesday at 11am... that will definitely help the coffers....

Well the thuder is getting loud so time to close the computer up....

cooking, cooking and more cooking!

Friday was a busy day with deliveries, work at the house and shopping... Friday night was spent making Pumpkin Whoopie Pies... Saturday was spent making chocolate whoopie Pies, brownies, a chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies... (I'm sick of cooking! and chocolate!!!) What's it all for? a friend of the families is sending her second oldest daughter to a camp for a week... so the Pastor gave his ok to have a bake sale... it's a good cause...

Church went well tonight but I am more interested in tomorrow morning with it being the last 8am mass at Holy Trinity... it should be interesting!

Everything else is going great... I feel a lot better... it's nice to breath...

23 days till we fly out ... I've started pulling together the leather to ship out... and making my list of everything else to bring... I'm so looking forward to this!

JUST MY LUCK!!!

Wouldn't you figure.... the first real nice day with no rain...bright beautiful sun and a nice cool breeze... I got a lot of outside work done... and in repayment... a Major Sunburn on my back! luckily I wore a hat ... it could have been sun stroke central! I've done the vinegar and cool water routine and the moisturizer routine along with the Advil chaser! ... the last layer was my Australian Gold VELOCITY Dark tanning oil... I should tan nice for a day or so then peel... yuck!!!

Had dinner with Marc at the 99 in Auburn... his treat... I now have my orders for taking care of Sophie... Marc's dog... Marc is going on vacation till next Wednesday... He's going to New Foundland! Luck shit... it's a beautiful place!

On the health front my sinuses are feeling GREAT!!! no pressure, no pain and no drippy yucky stuff! Thank the Universe for Z-Pacs!!! good drugs!

So it's off to relax a bit before bed...

Feelin Groovy.....

I'm feeling great today!!! not to mention that today is the first day without a rain storm... AND the roses are all in full bloom!

Just a funny aside - along side the garage for the past 15 years there has been a climbing yellow rose bush... for 15 years all we got was nice greenery... and no roses! This year we started a big tray of morning glories to transplant in that bed... so we decided to pull that particular bush out... low and behold Beautiful Blood Red Old Fashion double roses.... about 20 blooms the first day... What an OMG moment...

Early last year we transplanted a champaign rose from the back of the house to the main bed by the stairs... it did good last year but this year started real slow and looked like we were going to have to replace it... so we bought a miniature yellow rose and set it at the base of the stairs... again low and behold 4 magnificent blooms...

Moral of the stories.... plants are alive.... if they don't produce THREATEN THEM!!! then they grow real nice!!! :)

Finally had a chance to mow the back yard and we got permission to do the new lawns so that will be the project for tomorrow morning before the rain hits...

Master and I had a great chat about something thats been swirling in the back of my mind lately... that of my not being able to be there... my needing to be here for mom and dad in their declining years... Master explained that my service here was more important to him than my being physically there... So last night as part of my "mental" journal I added the following -

1. everything I do is in service to Master
2. one doesn't need to be in physical contact with Master to be of use
3. service isn't only the day to day home things... but the background work that helps things run smooth...


Distance is a friend... not a barrier!

Thank you Master for allowing me the great pleasure of serving you!

on the road again...........

Yupper feeling much better this afternoon... I CAN BREATH!!! WOOHOO!
i took my z-pac pill this morning and thought... oh great another crappy day but it swung around and cleared up... Tomorrow I have a lawn to mow and choir at night... so it should be a good day!

not much else to chat about... so till tomorrow!

the road to wellness....

Went to the doctors today to get something stronger to clear up this sinus infection/allergies/whatever it is.... and am now on a z-pac for 5 days... I hope this works... I'm really tired or my head feeling like a 50 lb weight!

Had a great chat with Master tonight... he reminded me to focus on the NOW and not the THEN... I have to admit it's hard but I will try even harder...

so as I rest tonight I will set a mantra in my mind--- serve the Master NOW and let the Universe work...

and on the 7th day...

yes... we crashed! it was a great day with lots of thunder storms and rain... it was nice to just kick back and do nothing! Still recovering from Pride weekend and the festivities... but tomorrow is back to work on all sides of the box...

so it's back to relaxing and prepping for tomorrow!

A busy weekend for all!

HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE!!!

I haven't blogged since Thursday cause I haven't been home long enough! Friday night I went to a Harbor Masters meet & greet at Blackstones... Dressed in my leathers and having MAsT fliers and business cards in hand went and had a great time!!! Woof! men in leather!!!

Saturday was the pride parade!
What a blast... went to church for 4pm mass then back to Portland for the Pier Dance! Woohoo ... Marc and I had a great time!!!

sunday is most definately going to be a quieter day... Marc is coming down for lunch and thats about it!...

Stupidly busy and feeling like crap!

What a day! it's been non-stop since 6am this morning... a 4am meditation, 5am wake up call to Master, breakfast and a shower... that was the quiet of my day... all with the allergies kicking my ass! even the Alavert D-12 isn't cutting it anymore... tomorrow I call the doctor and see if I have another sinus infection... the pain is getting to be a bit much! Maybe that's why I didn't feel like I accomplished anything yesterday...

Tomorrow is going to be a lot quieter... I hope... Pride weekend this weekend... should be fun... hope the rain hold off!

a weird day....

Today was an odd day... everything went well... but I don't feel like I accomplished much... my schedule looked like this:
4-5 meditation
5-6 walk
6-7 breakfast, shower & check-in
7-10:30 complete 2 print jobs
10:30-1 complete and deliver jobs
1-1:30 lunch
1:30-3 wax, vacuum & clean 2 rooms
3-4:45 prep dinner & set table
5-6 dinner
6:30 pick up choir members
7-8 choir

A lot of stuff done but just an odd feeling... Maybe I'm just a bit off today...
Tomorrow will be just as busy if not more! Let's see how I feel tomorrow!

A tickle a day....

People laugh at me because I have a fetish of sorts for "Elmo" - tickle me Elmo to be exact! I like him because he makes me laugh... and laughter is so important in all parts of life... physical, mental and spiritual... it's a healing sound.

So I keep my tickle me Elmo close in whatever I do and I listen and laugh with him often... just because! no other reason... JUST BECAUSE...



Right now I need to laugh because if I didn't I'd cry a lot... I watch the news and see Luke Russert... talking about his father and all that means to him... and then look at Dad and wonder what happened... why couldn't he be there for me when I sat on the hill over looking the river thinking about ending it ... where was he? Where was he when I needed a shoulder when I left California? Where was he?

It's too late to try to figure those out.... in fact it's too late for a lot of things... but it's never too late to laugh!

what's in a Title...

I call myself a slave... that is who and what I am... some call themselves Master, Dom, sub, "BornSlave", "BornMaster", top, bottom, etc... there are so many lables that we apply to ourselves and on to others... but what is in a title? Does it turn you magically into someone or something else? or is it psychological?

I guess the better way to approach this is to ask if we apply the labels or is it our egos or even the Universe? Did I just wake up one day and say.. today I am a gay slave!!! or is it the same as being gay.... the Universe chose this path for me... and it wasn't until I found and acknowledged the path did my journey have a name...

I bring this up because of a discussion on Masters of Leather concerning "Olde Guarde" and "New Guard"... I understand the terms but am not sure if the terms have been fantasized too much and the meanings lost to time and the internet... I guess we will never really know.

A thought about Father's day...

Mother's day for me is a big day... I get a log tremendously with Mom... She and I keep each other on the curb so to speak...

But Father's day is something else for me... it's a day that I can sit back and wish for what I don't have... you see... Dad's never really been there for me... he never took me hunting (which isn't a bad thing)... he only took me fishing when someone else was going, never took me to a ballgame or any sporting event for that matter... he was just never around... the guys on base were always more important... I could never live up to his expectations... so I stopped trying... I am who I am... if he can't deal with it... then that is his issue...

It hurts to think of him in that light but I have no other way to look at him... I love him because he is my father and I will only have one of those... but to like him is something I find very hard to do...

In looking back at the men that I've called Master I often wonder if that is what I was really looking for... a father that would take me and love me as a father should??? Something to think about...

Thinking ahead....

Preemptive service good or bad? Should a slave look to the future and prod for information that Master will need to start or complete his day? or is that topping from the bottom? hmmm.... I don't see a problem with it unless the slave begins to overstep and actually directs his Master... then there is a line of demarcation issue...

I look forward to singing at the M/s conference! Thank you Sir for prodding you slave along... I have to admit... sometimes a good swift kick in the caboose is needed....

:) Thank you Sir for allowing me to serve you!

query...

Ever feel that you have been dumped in a spotlight that your not sure your are ready for? That's what i'm feeling right now... It has been requested by Master that I sing the Star Spangled Banner at the opening ceremony at the M/s conference in DC... WOW.... me... I honestly can't believe it! it is such an honor for that to be requested... but... I'm not that scared... I trust that Master will have everything set so that I can and will succeed in this duty... not for me but for him... I trust him! I need to trust him more than ever... I've only sung it once with the Gay Men's chorus in front of a crowd... any other time I've been behind an organ playing and singing... so this will be a challenge for me...

Thursday!

Well Master and slave barb are in Atlanta... for a conference... slave barb txt messaged me that there were two muscle porn (looking) men on the flight... I'm sure she was upset at that!!! NOT!

We got the veggies planted today and outside... it will be fun to see if those boxes work... the rest of the day was watering and resting (trying to get my sinuses to ease up - which they did). Not much else to look at tonight...

this weekend we find out what will be happening with the Masses... we know we will be loosing one but I'm sure the schedule will be changing... to what I don't know... only time will tell!

Much nicer!

Today was a beautiful day... cool, nice breeze and shaded sun... what more could one ask for!
I guess feeling better would help a lot... my allergies are acting up again... but that's ok it's all good! not much on deep philosophical today... spent the day working and keeping an eye on the watering... then choir tonight... that's about it...

Master and slave barb leave tomorrow for a conference ... I wish them safe travels! Now it's off to do some browsing!

Thoughts of Time,Talent & service

hmmm... been thinking today on how my time and talent is spent in service to my Master. It's a hard point to look at since we are some 382 miles away from each other... While distance does inject a challenge... it also give me a chance to strengthen my resolve to serve the man I call Master. My feeling on the whole topic is that everything I do... from servicing my business customers to playing the organ at church to going to the store for Mom... is all in service to Master... how? One of Master's first statements to me was that my state of being and my relationship to my family is important to him... what more can be said... Master cares about what I do and how I do it... he cares about my interaction and support of my parents and he cares about my business... so with him caring about me and my being... how can my everyday service not be for him??

It's not funny no more....

I don't like heat... and it don't like me... Yesterday was bearable... today not so much... cranked the AC first thing this morning... and the house stayed at 73 all day... outside hit 91 today and 94 yesterday... it isn't even summer yet!!! oh well! I just hope it moderates in august for the M/s Conference! Leather and heat is the worst! and having to wear boots all day.... just as bad! but that's what Master wants... therefore that is what he will get! (hopefully the place will be well AC'd) :-)

I've been watching the new lawn very carefully... there is one section that I'm worried about... it's splotchy... not what I like to see... we are trying to keep it well watered but with the heat and the sun it's a loosing battle!

So as I'm sure you guessed today was work inside day... the laundry is done... my client contacts is complete and I got some miscellaneous stuff taken care of too... so all in all it was a great day... even though it was just too damn hot!!!

Maine!

The way life is supposed to be! It's great to live in Maine... we can bitch about how cold it is... then how hot it is... then how wet it is... then how dry it is... can we ever be happy? Ask a Mainer if he's ready to move ... bet they say nope... love it here!!! and it's SOOOO true! After a week of wet cold today was 73 with a great breeze... just a perfect day!

Started off with meditation and tai chi... then took mom and dad to breakfast... close to the end it hit 8:58... 2 minutes till I wake Master... hmmm got called all kinds of things this morning... tomorrow aught to be fun Master requested I wake him at 7:30AM... yes that's in the Morning! We're definitely not from the same pod.... I'm up at 4am for meditation and exercise... but come night prefer to relax... Master seems to be the opposite... :)

Sunday or Monday nights have come to be a chat night for Master and I... I look forward to those chats... I look forward to a day when those chats can be in person... The points of contact that Master has set up have been wonderful and I enjoy his directions, projects and protocols that bind us together in an increasing bond...

The picture is a landscape picture of the yard with the new lawn! Our house is the white one on the left... What a beautiful job they did!!!
Master allowed me a core day... one that I really needed... After cantor rehearsal it was Stamp'in up time... my supply of home made cards for birthdays, anniversaries and miscellaneous times was getting real low... so I spent the better part of the day watching the hunky men lay the sod outside while I was being totally creative inside... what more can a gay man want???? LOL
Tonight my spirit is calm and relaxed... something it hasn't been for a few days... so tonight I plan on taking a hot shower then curling up with a good book or maybe even a few good books...
I look forward to a warm, dry weekend and a new week ahead!

Ouch!

Interesting! I've never had a Master order me to kneel before him for any reason... but today I think I got an idea of what's it's like... no... I wasn't with another Master... I spent today on my knees digging trenches for pavers... we needed a retaining wall under the bushes along the drive... I lined the route off then started to dig... 36 pavers and about 6 hours later the job is complete... I'll upload a picture tomorrow!... but boy do my knees hurt! lol...

Which brings up a good topic for tonight... spending time at Master's feet... it still boggles my mind that I have served as a slave for 3 + years and have yet been granted the privilege of spending quality time at a Master's foot or next to a Master for that matter.

I can only imagine the great joy that must be associated with this and I welcome stories and input from my fellow slave about your experiences of that.

Day two!

WOW! What a job these guys are doing... today was clean up and final cut-ins to our surprise they even got the crushed stone on the drip line... what a big difference!

On a personal note... I've decided to not leave the Bornslave site... but also not participate in it.. the aggravation isn't worth it... for some reason slave 7 and slave nick can't fathom that for every slave out there there is a different understanding of what a slave is. To each their own!

I've been finding my meditation hard to do lately... It seems my spirit is restless... I think the unrest in the house with the budget and the lawns and church and just everything else going on has a lot to do with it. I'm going to try going back to doing a centering ritual in conjunction with meditation... that may quiet the spirit.

May the Universe offer peace to those that seek

a topys-turvy day!

Nothing seemed to go as planned... I got my client check ins done this morning... then got a phone call from my Pastor... he needed me right away at a meeting at church... ok, so off I went! on my return home I find a big Tonka truck in the driveway... they were here to rip up the sod! OMG... nothing was prepped for them! So it was outside work for the afternoon... dinner got bumped back to 6:30... so I am sitting here typing while eating dinner... The essay I started hasn't been finished, I have a print job to complete tonight for delivery tomorrow... And I have to borrow a car tomorrow because mine has to be at the garage by 8:30am! OY! And to ice the cake ... all this digging is killing my allergies!!!

to be human or not....

Did I miss a memo??? slaves aren't human... huh? news to me! I'm a slave and I'm human... must be broken! I fear that's what folks on the bornslave site feel... I did when I read the posts. But you know something... this human slave has a mind that knows where he is and where he is going... and being human is an integral part of the journey. So they can believe what they will... and I'll believe what I do ... and Master will question me when needed...

I was excited today to see Master marching in the pride parade carrying the leather pride flag and my slave sister got to carry the M/s flag... WOOHOO!! You go!

This weeks been fun... I hope next goes just as well....