A day away!

What a great day... we took a drive to Belfast for lunch then to Camden to see the big ships...

This is a view from the table we had in Belfast at the Weathervane Restaurant... So relaxing!

the good the bad and the ugly...

the good... we have 6 people attending the MAsT meeting and there is still two weeks to go!!!
woo hoo! I had all but given up on the MAsT SM thing... but a bit of patients has paid off...

The bad... Masters injury... I really don't like him getting hurt... not good!!!

The ugly.... last night I decided since my bed was stripped and I had to remake it... I would trim my chest hair... well... I got it short... then decided (I think someone slipped me something in my ice tea) that I should shave it bare! OMG what did I do????? after 20 minutes of total insanity I now have a shaved chest and stomach... I itch like a SOB!!! stupid thing to do and I don't like the way it looks... will never do this again!!!

Thought for the day...

I started writing a blog earlier and it just wasn't where I was... it was a recap of today... Boring!!!
But then I took some time to stop... and recenter in a place of being with Master... here's where I am:

"As you Press on to your dreams, remember this...

To solve each problem one at a time; to take each day as it comes.
To stick to your goals, no matter what happens, and press on toward your dreams.
To keep your attention focused on the future, as you consider the solutions at hand.
To look for the bright side, even though it may be covered by a cloud.
To smile often, even when a frown feels more natural.
To think of those you love, and know that they love you, too.
No matter how difficult it may seem,
you have within you the power, the ability and the knowledge
to make things better."

Lindsay Newman



Why this poem/thought... let's just say MAsT has got me perplexed...
"we love the group... as long as we can sit on out butts and do nothing"
"we want the group... but don't ask that I put myself out just a bit to see it succeed!"
"please don't close the group... I don't know if I can make it to any of the meetings... but..."
and so it goes...

But I've decided to keep the meetings rolling along... if they come - the come...

If not - C'est la Vie!

I will do my personal best... and I know I will have help from at least two special people!
and support from My Families - near and far!

Wednesday!

What more can I say than it was Wednesday... neither good nor bad, happy nor sad... just Wednesday!

The good... 5 more days till September... Masters Birthday, my Birthday then October - Mom's Birthday then a weekend trip to see Master and slave barb! also to attend a conference type thing I guess... not sure what it is exactly... I do need to find that out... then at the end of October is my sisters Birthday! Whew!

the bad of today... worked on the partial sale of my business... it's a good thing but I will miss the busyness of it all...

It's just Wednesday!

the circle of...

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the light of the Master

While I sit here today working I keep looking over to the candles sitting by my side... knowing that they are my representations for my family that is distant... as I light the tallest I stop and think about the man I call Master and just how much he does for me over the span that separates us... then I light the white candle to the right, my sister slave... my mentor, my guide and my friend... that helping hand that I can trust will be there to grab hold when things go awry... next is my candle, a white candle to the left of the Masters flame... the candle flickers for a bit then burns straight and hot... and lastly the center blue candle... the family unit as one... the one that binds the miles and spirits together... as i look at the cluster I notice that the Masters flame is the brightest... it comes forth from a Silver stand with an oil lamp sitting on top... the flame will last only as long as we his slaves keep the oil filled and the light burning... but our lights can only be lit by his flame... thus the circle of our lives... the four candles sit in a round mirrored tray that reflects who we are to the surrounding room... do i feel close to Master and slave barb... right now I physically feel as if I'm on the floor at his feet where his slave should be... in my heart I am next to his heart and my sister slaves too we are one.

Can you tell that my day has been one of contemplation??? unless there is a major snag coming forth by Friday I will be the 52% share holder of Grafix, Inc. i'm scared... yet excited... I'm nervous but relieved... i'm happy but sad... I never thought I would be selling 48% of my small business to someone else... but that time has come and I am so grateful! This move makes time for visits with Master where I can sit at his feet and revel in that feeling... WOOF!!!

Does it hurt to be real....

This week has been a trial... one that hurt... but the outcome was that Master and I were real ... transparent and honest... and even though throughout the week it hurt the outcome felt a whole lot better. This week, for me has also been a trial of obedience. How easy it would have been to blast Master out of the water... but I knew I couldn't ... I had to trust that things would change that there was a reason .... and even though it took to the start of the new week to get things out in the air it was worth the wait... my level of obedience took a big step forward... trust on the other hand took a beating... I can only hope that our chat today took care of that loss... time will tell! I am feeling great about everything!

not in the mood

I have to be honest... I'm not in the mood to blog...

Keeping appointments

Had three appointments today... all of which we right on time... except for the last one... it was a wedding appointment... the couple is getting married on September 6th... we were scheduled to meet at 5:30pm at the church... I was there at 5:00pm because that is who I am... early and organized... the couple didn't show up till 5:45pm with no apology offered. I honestly find this to be an issue...

As I look to my slavery timing is key to who I am... when I am given a project it is completed on time if not a bit early... why? pride in my work and pride in the person I serve... I know everyone isn't the same... but when appointments are made... should they not be honored? or if it can't be kept should there not be an explanation?

What if, as a business man I make an appointment with a client and don't keep it? Do you think the client will keep me as a printer? Not in Maine there are plenty of us to go around... you could say a dime-a-dozen...

Tomorrow will be a busy day... I have a tile floor to lay and a lawn to clean up from the vacation fiasco and cukes to pickle... I should be wiped after that... but it will get done completely and on time!

Back on track

I'm feeling better today... not as scatter-brained as I had been... for a while there it seem like I was all over the place... you know the saying jack of all trades - master of none! that was me... I had 8 to 10 projects all running at the same time... and I found myself missing pieces of projects only to have them show up elsewhere... But I started fresh this morning with a clean slate... I reorganized my duties so that everything will get finished in the order they are required... I know where everything is and I know what goes with each project... AMEN!!!

Things are well on track with MAsT Southern Maine for a September meeting... I've changed the date to a week earlier to allow for Ms. Lisa's fireside chat thing that she strategically placed on the third sunday of the month from 4 to 7 pm... interesting how that was the same time MAsT was!... Oh well... we can move our time... I hope that it will help attendance! Mr. stoney has been a great resource in getting things back on track... I look forward to working closer with him in this endeavor!

Let's see... oh! Choir starts up tonight... I'm looking forward to meeting with the girls and getting everyone to regroup and start fresh after everything that happened while I was gone...

a quiet busy day

today was a great monday... woke up it was pouring!!! stayed like that till almost 1pm... but that couldn't stop me... I had stuff to do! and I got it all done plus a few side things too!

I'm back to re-re-re-re-reading Thich Nhat Hanh's book ANGER ... oh did I mention that this is #5 on the re-reading scale... I've found myself short tempered lately... I need to find out why and how to end it... letters I write come out snappy or curt... even blogs don't flow smooth... they've become choppy and uninspired... AH!... wait... that's may be it!!!

For the past week I've been delving into fantasy... the sale of slaves... the thought of a solid collar around my neck, the idea of serving one-on-one with Master.... the idea of being Owned... has my reality slipped to far to the fantasy? Maybe while reading ANGER I should pull out The Leatherman's Handbook I & II and snap myself back to a place of knowing..... I'll do a centering ceremony tonight... that always seems to help too!

What a day!

It started out so great... I guess it ended that way too... it depends on how you look at it! I visited with my clients today to see how things were going... everything was great till the last one... he wants a revamp of the logo by thursday! ARGH.... it only took me two weeks to do the first one!
I'm doing pretty good with it now... I have my rough ideas sketched out and ready to scan tomorrow... then comes the hard stuff... getting it camera ready for the approval process... it will be close but I think I'll get it done for him... he owes me big time for this!!!

Besides that things are getting back to a routine now and everything is falling into place for the great divide of the company... yikes is this scary!!!

an awesome sunday!

What a great day! up early for meditation and exercise ... it felt great... woke Master at 8am as ordered then did breakfast... we decided to go to Edgecomb for lunch ... it was a great ride and a great lunch... then home for a short break then off to the Balloon festival... it was fun and great to be out just to have fun... nothing more! For the first time this week I didn't spend it thinking about everything going on and what needs to get done... which is something I desperately needed to do... tonight is blog - big brother and to bed to read for some time... nice!!! I'm glad that Master ordered me to take time to do things for me... that has been something that I've had a problem with in the past... yes I am a work-a-holic...

Rituals have started becoming more and more important to me since my return from the conference... things like waking Master... I used to either be walking around or sitting on my bed ... now weather I am texting or calling it is done on my knees next to my bed... the same goes for the night ritual... it is done on my knees as if Master is on my bed... I have also tried to do the same for the noon check in but find that one harder due to work... but I will continue to try...

I am looking forward to Masters next phone chat because we are scheduled to chat about an added night bondage ritual... I look forward to getting back to that! Chains and leather! yum!

quiet???

For what was supposed to be a fairly quiet day it sure was busy! Started this morning with breakfast for mom and dad then off to church to get everything ready then to the recycling center... back home trimmed the hedges, watered the veggies and flowers, weed wacked around then cleaned up the mess... lunch, shower, do mom's hair then off to church... dinner and now blogging... then off to Portland for a party! Woohoo!

Whew... I'm tired just rereading it!

Tomorrow is the hot air balloon festival... looking forward to that!

Well... I'm off and running.,..

to lube or not to lube... that is the question...

Ok! now that i have your attention it's not what it sounds like! LOL!
There's a lot if issues with local groups going on need to be smoothed... some just need to be forgotten... but in particular tonight happens to be MAsT southern Maine. I just finished a draft of a questionnaire for the membership to see if they want it to continue... I feel kind of bad but I want the decision to be theirs not mine! Guess we need to sit back and see what happens!

I have some fun stuff this weekend, a blackstones birthday party and the maine hot air balloon festival!

One boy... boy for sale... he's going cheep... only ....

slaves for sale:

I’m sure we’ve all read the stories about Mr. Benson and the stories from the Market place concerning slaves being traded, sold, disposed of or replaced. But what happens when it really happens to someone that you care about? Can this fantasy really be a reality? Why yes it can and does!

This in my mind is a scary thing… the thought of a Master reaching a point in the relationship that a sales contract be drawn up is hard enough while not even considering the harm that could be caused to the slaves stability. I realize that we as slaves are property to our Masters… but to what extent are we to trust that we won’t be sold.

How many of us have said “I screwed up and will be punished”? Now ask yourself if you’ve ever said “I screwed up and could be sold because of it”… Have you ever thought about the choice that Master holds? I’ve said the prior… but never the latter… maybe I should start… but is going through life paranoid a valid life? I don’t think so… it does give much food for thought!

I have to wonder how many Masters consider this… Since it does seem that we all have a price on our heads…

I wonder what the price on my head is?

whhhhhaaaaattt?

I got up this morning feeling like I got run over by a train... didn't even do Tai Chi... just meditated. I think the past three weeks have caught up and just couldn't stop and plowed me over... Today ended up being a quiet day, got a lot of petty little things caught up and brought up to date.

I spent a lot of today thinking about what collaring means to me and what being owned means to me... so here is where I am:

A collar to me is a promise between two or more people. A promise that the recipient will be cared for, that there is a level of emotion that is growing with time and trust and a symbol of the commitment made when the relationship was formed.

Ownership is a deeper emotional state that I feel can be reached anytime throughout the relationship. It may be triggered by an event, a strong emotion or as simple as a conversation. While a collar is a visible symbol I find that Ownership is a stronger, deeper connection between the Master and slave.

I know that for every Master/slave relationship there is a different definition for a collar and ownership but that is where my heart is at this point in my journey.

The trip home...

Tuesday - up early! showered, dressed, bed stripped, computer packed, room cleaned, bathrooms cleaned, dishes done, and garbage out! Whew! The work done and Anne & Steve are not even up yet! Damb! I'm good... The drive in to the airport was uneventful... I checked in and WOOHOO! I upgraded to business class... we had a bite to eat before the flight at the small place we ate at when mom & dad left... I said my goodbyes and flew through security... found my gate and plopped myself down... less than an hour later we boarded and took off... it was great... we landed early by almost 10 minutes... a quick lunch and home we came... It's nice to be home!

A new day

Monday was a great day! woke up early - energized by the weekend and ready to rock!
We threw the boxes in the van and headed out - dropped Steve off in Shirlington to do a half day work then headed to the hotel to pick up my black jeans... yes I was a bad slave and forgot a pair of jeans! Thank goodness MC & sw were still there! While there I had a chance to say goodbye to Master Bert, Master Curtis and slave wen... I took my sister to breakfast at the little diner around the corner from the hotel and lo and behold who was there??? Sir Nick and katherine... so I got to say goodbye to them also! Anne and I headed back to Shirlington to get Steve but he wasn't there... he had to go to the Pentagon so we decided to pack and mail out the boxes... we then wandered the shops in Shirlington... we met up with Steve and went for lunch at a Thai restaurant... YUMMY!!! Then it was off to the National Cathedral... What a place!!! then to the National Bascilica... What great landmarks... it was then off to Athena's Restaurant in DC proper... OMG what great Greek food... we headed home... and after tying up a few loose ends it was off to bed for an early night...Need to be up early for tomorrows flight home.

8-7-08 thru 8-10-08 The M/s Conference

As I sit here Saturday Morning at 5:35am waiting for the coffee shop to open I find myself reflecting on the past two days…. And let me tell you – there is plenty to reflect on!

I arrived Thursday morning with the jitters! What was going to happen? OMG! First I will be serving Master Larry for the first time and then I have to stand in front of 200+ peers and sing the National Anthem with no prompts!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING???? But none-the-less I am here and do the best I can to please Master!

After checking on MC and sws room change I wandered over to the reception area for the conference and who did I find sitting there? Master Tiano – He gets up and gives me a big hug and welcomes me to the conference… I was put to ease with the knowledge that I was with my Leather Tribe and family!... but can you imagine that with all the folks this man meets he remembered MY name and greeted me??? WOW!

I jumped in and assisted slave bobby set up some sound system equipment… at least as much as I could do that is… all while keeping track of Masters trip down from NJ. – At around 11:15am I finished my duties, excused myself and headed to the lobby… now the nerves are back! I guess I was a bit nervous… I did a lot of pacing! But finally they arrived at 11:40am… of course the room wasn’t ready and stayed that way for a good couple of hours… guess the hotel could use a few good slaves to straighten things out!!! We finally got into the room and slave barb and I started to unpack and set up… Master took care of his leathers… whew all said and done we finally got a chance to have a FAMILY chat! We chatted for some time… feelings, emotions and fun… Right at the end Master asked me to kneel before him… honestly I knew what was coming and was questions had been asked and answered and I knew that I was ready for this step unlike the 4 priors… Master posed the question but it was MY CHOICE to accept or decline – something that I didn’t have the ability to do before… My choice was about to become a reality… and I was ready! Master placed a chain around my neck and on that chain there were to tags… on top was a small black circle – engraved “slave paul, HSL” and below was a larger silver tag embossed “HONOR” the motto of the house. I accepted it with all my being! But that wasn’t all… Master Larry presented me with two family crest patches and a black bandana (signifying my place in the leather family). I know now I was so nervous when receiving the “other” collars… I wasn’t ready… this time I was… this was my choice and it wasn’t being pushed on me… My place in this Universe is all good… and it is right with the world… after a quick change into my kilt and a few howdy’s! To friends and family it was off to the meet and greet…. So many friends… I also had a hand (literally) in helping slave barb and slave catherine honor one of our own… slave lara! Congrats my special friend!! The evening ended with a great chat with slave wen… so much to catch up on… I miss those chats! I had forgotten how much I loved them and her!

Friday started off with a bang… I hit the floor running… up at 6am for an 8am wake up call… let’s see… large black coffee… half & half on the side… OJ for Master… and the day began! Classes started off slow but were full of content… I think…. Still need time to process some… around 1 pm I was called for a sound check… ok no problem… I was scheduled to attend Slave track I… but Murphy’s Law decided to rear it’s ugly head! The CD I brought couldn’t be read by any of the players there… ARGH!!! I don’t want to wing this one! So Master Tallen and I spent some time chasing slave bobby down who had the only working copy of the music… OMG!!! Stress! I never made it to Slave Space…but when I finally finished I did get to spend about 35 to 45 minutes one-on-one with the fabulous Ms. Vi Johnson…. What a woman! What a library… I think in this instance I came out a better person for it! Not to mention the vintage porn she what personally showing me… I will be pursuing the possibility of having Vi up to Maine next year for a workshop... – The classes continued and the time quickly approached for Master Larry’s slave to make his debut… I was a nervous wreck! I kept reciting the words… over and over… second guessing the fact that I knew them… but I wasn’t sure! OMG! Was I having a TEST MOMENT??? Was I going to blank out AGAIN???? As I stood waiting to go on Master came over and gave me a huge hug… The warmth of his energy permeated my being and all he said was “you are going to do great” – I became calm… and I knew that it would all go as planned… and it did… the DC boys (hunks) of Leather were color guards … carrying the 5 flags… the music started and I was on… didn’t miss a beat and belted it the way it should be… I left the stage and gave Master a big hug in return… all I could think of was “only if he knew…” I got good feedback from slave barb and a bunch of friends… I was so proud that I could offer this gift to the community and to Master… speaking of… What a great job he and slave catherine did as MCs… they were perfect! The night ended and it was to bed early!

Saturday served to be my Spiritual day… a day for me to delve deep into the well of who I am and what I am… It started VERY early (I guess a little too early for some!), showered, shaved and prepped for the day and what a day it was! I woke Master and slave barb up as ordered, wished them a happy anniversary then left for them to get prepped for the day… I went outside sat, walked and thought… So many feelings, ideas, hopes and dreams surfaced… what a flood of emotion!... I do have to admit that the core of what I was feeling was based in Pride… not the ego pride but the pride of the service that I have to offer the one I can now call Master… First class that morning was Meeting the contestants… and questions… I found myself answering the questions as if they were asked of me… I know it’s only been 3+ months but I feel like I’ve known them for years… it feels like home! Next I attended Master Skip and slave ricks Satang… this one was 1000 times better than the last… so much love and information… what great guys! Next came Master Larry and slave barbs class on “The arts and crafts of Rituals”… it was an honor to participate in that class and to serve Master when needed… Rituals are an important part of who I am… they are what keep me focused…and going day-to-day! We ended the day with the titling of the new NE M/s couple Master Tallen and slave angela! Congrats you two! But wait… the day didn’t end that way something else took place that for me changed my way of thinking… of being… During the show Master Larry and slave catherine were MCs again… still having fun and doing a great job… but earlier Master gave me a task… when he started the show he would be wearing his Masters cap… a black, leather Masters cap… and at some point he would remove it and hand it off to me… Master trusted his new slave to keep that which signifies who he is… what he is… it’s not just a cap… it’s a MASTERS cap… my MASTERS personal cap… Since I started in BDSM and researching how things worked I held on to the idea that being collared and being owned were two different things… pretty basic stuff – so I thought! You see… the other 4 collars that I’ve worn signified nothing because I was never owned by the Master… there was never that emotional tie that binds a Master and slave… but this time was different… there is an emotional tie that binds Master and I… and that tie is a true Ownership for me… As of tonight… I am an Owned slave… I do have a Master/Owner…

OMG! Sunday is here… I don’t want it to be… I don’t want this to come to a close! I was awaken by the stirring of sw around 3:30am… What the hell was she doing up at that hour??? Lol… this is after being reprimanded for waking her the previous morning…. But I’m a different person this morning… the feeling has changed! I am Owned by Master Larry… (assisted by slave barb!)… it wasn’t just a collaring… I am HIS… mind, body and soul… It’s now 5:45am and I am in the lobby… I smell the fresh ground coffee brewing… YUM! But as I look at the schedule for today I find that an adjustment needs to be made… I am being pulled towards Master Skips – A priest in black leather… over Master Jacks – Protocols… I am looking forward to waking Master this morning in just a few minutes… I wake Master with a different spirit in my soul… a peace that I haven’t experienced before… I knelt by his side for what seemed to be an hour just looking at him… wondering if this was all a dream or was I really his owned slave… After our ritual, the day began to move on… Anatomy of a Master /slave with Master Z… great class! A Priest in black leather with Master Skip and then … and then… I need to start saying my farewells… all I have is the MAsT Meeting to attend then I have to go… CRAP! Even with my wish it wouldn’t end it still is going too… So we went outside and chatted… I expressed to Master and barb that I have realized that I am an Owned slave… His Owned slave… and yes I did well up with tears… tears of joy… we chatted, hugged and returned to the conference… just a MAsT meeting to go… we entered the room set with chairs in a circle… Master said barb you have bad knees… boy on the floor… It has taken some time to be able to hear the term “boy” and now attach the negative feeling that arise with it’s use… in the past there was a lot of hurt that came with that simple three letter word… but I now understand the emotion and love that follows the term… I am Master Larry’s slave… I am Master Larry’s property… I am Master Larry’s boy! Leaving the conference this time was hard… as it usually is… but leaving Master was even harder….

one more day....

What a great day I had with my sister today... we went out and did some shopping and just hung out... it was great... something I hadn't done in quite some time... tomorrow I have a few things to clean up computer wise before the conference and Anne and I have some workers coming over to fix a few things...

I'm looking forward to everything coming up... I only hope I can succeed in everything put forward...

Whew!

Today we got rid of the last of the company... whew! the quiet!!! my sister and I got the house cleaned, went out to lunch, made dinner (veal scallopini ) and an Orzo salad... yum! It's amazing how much can get done when there is no drama toe go with it... dinner was done and dishes completed by 6:30pm! damn are we good or what!

Just two short days till conference !!!

work and a work ethics

I seem to spend the day explaining to my niece the difference between work and having a good work ethic... she just don't get it! He point was that I didn't have a "career" - eg. banker, clerk, nurse, doctor, lawyer, etc... I explained that I didn't have a need to have a title or make loads of money... I made enough to keep up the house, make mom and dad happy and pay my bills.... and have a little over for fun stuff... and to boot... I'm happy with where I am and what I am doing... which differs from her husband that is in a job that he hates and that hates him... what becomes the point of it all? I used to be in a job that I actually liked... but my stress level started to rise... so what was the point of staying? was it the money? nope... so I left and made a life for myself... someday hopefully she'll get it and understand that if you aren't happy at where you are you should move on and find what makes you happy...