Day 1 Year 2

wow can you believe it? a year has passed already...

Current stats:
moving to DC - yes
Starting new job - not yet... getting closer
collared - nope
tagged - yes
happy - very

what more needs to be said!!

33 years comes to a close... T-18 days and counting... the house is full of boxes... the garage is overflowing too... it's bittersweet to say the least...

Today I am sore head to toe... and tired to boot...

Tomorrow... the sign is posted in the front!

and it comes to an end!

I couple of weeks ago I sent Sir a letter asking him to be more emotionally connected with me... I was feeling disconnected from not only the family but Master too...

there has been a lot of stress and issues here at the house.... from movers to real estate personnel to Moms going in for a pace maker... then there is the job hunt, the house hunt and packing..... Whew!

a couple of days ago i wrote in my blog a great poem called Footprints... seems I seek support when things are low.... but as I looked back I find that during my low times Master was there for me... supporting, assisting, and giving me the love I needed... I was just to close to see it... indeed during those low times... Master did carry me... thus only one set of footprints....

My lesson... when you can let go... and let Master be the MASTER... amazing things will happen

Back to reality? or Normality? hmmmm.... to which did I return? Reality... the work, the stress, the life in the way syndrome.... ya... Normality? hmmm..... Safety, comfort, security, centered... focused... that is home...

Finally... some much needed down time! last week was way too busy but was well worth the effort... many people were touched by the music and the extra effort of the music ministry... and hey the pay will be nice too! hehehe!

After Mass yesterday morning I headed to Twin Ponds lodge in Albion Maine... I had booked a cabin for an overnight... what great fun to enjoy time without the confines of cloths with other naked men!.... yummy!

I'm gonna miss this place.... I'll need to find a place like this down in the DC area!

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with his Master. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the Master.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned his Master about it. Master you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The Master replied, my precious, precious slave, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


Ok so I didn't write this... but it needed to be said...

The Frailty of Life

Ok I know I haven't posted in quite a while.... there is so much going on right now that it's hard to focus. I titled this blog the Frailty of Life because someone very close almost lost theirs... For the past couple of weeks mom has been very tired... and doing more coughing than normal... she chalked it up to allergies! tis the season she would say... and the being tired was due to the move and the packing and the house repairs all tied into one... well this week got to be a lot worse! Tuesday mom and I had a few things to do at church... so we went... and I noticed she was sitting more than usual... finally she said "we need to go home" so we went... she got to the kitchen and said "get a chair" ... I knew then that something was really up... she used her nebulizer and that seemed to help... so she went upstairs and went to bed... Wednesday morning she was weak... so she called the PCP and made an appointment... that afternoon 2:00pm. Dad opted to stay home and do the laundry... so I took mom to the appointment... we no sooner got in but they took her to a room... a nurse followed her in... they did an EKG... the nurse left and returned... another EKG... the nurse left and three people returned with her... yet ANOTHER EKG! after a few minutes of no action a nurse came out and sat next to me... Paul, she said... we've called the Ambulance for you mom... they are taking her to emergency... at this point my hands started to shake... and my heart started beating hard and fast... What was going on kept running through my mind... they got mom stabilized and then allowed me to go back... the doctor was right there... he pulled me a side and explained that mom didn't have a heart attack... but her pules was extremely low... a normal heart rate is between 60 and 80 bpm ... mom was hovering around 34... and that they couldn't do anything there so it was best to have her go to emergency... and that it wasn't safe for me to drive her... Ok! on the phone... i knew I couldn't tell dad... he would have flipped out on me... so I called my sister ... she could always talk to dad and make him understand the situation.... so after what seemed to be 30 minutes I head out to the hospital... they run a few tests ... then have a cardiologist run a few more... I thank the Universe for the fact that there was no damage done to the heart itself... seems that the human pace maker had a short... the top of the heart was beating at 60 bpm but the bottom only at 20 bpm so her being tired and coughing was due to the lack of oxygen to the brain... the cardiologist stated that had she not gone in for the cough she would not be here with us now... OMG! Like I needed to hear that! by this time my sister had made arrangements to get dad there... and he had just arrived...

So, after about 30 phone calls ... and around 4 hours... they decided to keep her and move her to ICU... the decision was made that mom would get a pacemaker in the morning. this now being 7pm at night... dad and I got all the information we needed and kissed her goodnight and went home... after a light dinner... and a few more phone calls... I fell apart... totally... but I needed that release and felt much better after... The following morning as instructed we called, spoke with moms nurse... we almost lost her four times he explained... everytime she would go into a deep sleep her heart rate would bottom out to the 20's... OH FUCK I thought to myself!!! we also were calling to find out the time she would be going in for the operation... well in about 30 minutes we were told.... she was already in pre-op... they told us not to come till 11:30am.... well at 10:15am we get a phone call... it was mom! she went through the operation with no problems and was feeling 100% better already... dad and I packed up and went to visit...

The game plan decided on after speaking to the Doctor was she was going to rest the day... the following day she would have a chemical stress test... ok... that made sense! so day three arrives... 6am mom is woken ... off to the tests... mind you... no breakfast yet! the give her the stuff to drink... hmmm empty stomach, chemical... yup you guessed it... a bad headache and vomiting soon reared it's head... but they did get the test done... after they stopped the vomiting, instead of letting her rest ... they take her to the stair test... up 3, turn, down three... ok... now mom is overtired... still nauseous and hurting head to toe... they get her back to the room ... but the idiots stop at the door... and have her walk to the bed... WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING??? Mom lays down... they go to lift her to the middle of the bed... and the ass uses her RIGHT arm... ya.. the one they just did surgery by... put her in some major pain... when dad and I went to visit that night don't you think I reamed a few new ass holes!!! They decided that with as weak as she has been it would be best to keep her one more night.... NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!!

This morning dad called at 8am ... she was just getting ready for breakfast... she sounded a lot better and says she feels a lot better... they have her programmed in at 76 BPM and she hold between 74 and 80 steady... You go Mom!!! we find out today what will be happening... well need to get some work done...