Feeling out of sorts today. the heat? maybe. the sugar? ya, it's up again. I've emailed my doctor, time for something stronger. Pressure at home? more than I like. I reached out to friends just to say hi. Chatting helped.
have a busy day here at work then an equally busy night tonight. Tomorrow is my great-nieces 4th birthday... we are having a faiery/Tinkerbell themed party... lol... I'm not the tinkerbell type... sl matt seems to feel I fit in with the Radical Faieries of PA... but I don't think that counts... lol So we have 12 kids, all under the age of 10 and 8 adults not counting the 5 of us already there... I'll bury myself doing something to stay out of trouble...
Either sunday or monday I am planning on going over and doing the lawns... it's looking a little ragged again... then monday I'll sweet talk sl david in being there or at least unlocking so I can get that painting done... which will leave just the windows left to do... I have the new flange for the cross.. I have an idea about that brace that we can chat about down the road...
Dad seems to be doing better. His spirits were up last night when we talked to him. but it sounds like he will be there for one more week. I'm looking forward to him getting home the traveling from Springfield to Woodbridge then to Manassas is wearing thin...
Well Sir, I do need to get to work and try to accomplish something today. Have a great time and please give sl matt a hug for me.
In Service and Leather
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
7/22/10
It looks like it's going to be a long weekend. I was hoping to do some needed work today at Masters... but I guess with the AC out and no one there that is out. I was looking forward to some service time... I need that time... but now need to wait till next week... :( It's an odd and somewhat disturbing feeling to be away for that long... I've never felt so "out of the loop" so to speak... oh well... at least I have what I need to do the work requested... it will wait till next week...
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
7/21/2010
This past week I’ve spent a lot of time looking at and wondering about service and why I have such a different feeling about where my service is. Let me explain…
I’ve always felt it easy to serve my Master by working about the house that I am currently living in… well until lately. I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to do things there while finding it easier to do things at Masters. I feel that comfort level has a lot to do with it… I’ve come to a place that I feel very much at home at Masters and less as much in Woodbridge…
I’m hitting a block this morning… can’t seem to find the words… just that I do miss you a lot.
I’ve always felt it easy to serve my Master by working about the house that I am currently living in… well until lately. I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to do things there while finding it easier to do things at Masters. I feel that comfort level has a lot to do with it… I’ve come to a place that I feel very much at home at Masters and less as much in Woodbridge…
I’m hitting a block this morning… can’t seem to find the words… just that I do miss you a lot.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
7/13/2010
Transparency...
I blogged about this not to long ago... I so want you to know everything... so after much thought I open my book to you... good and bad...
Fetishes... we all have them.. well I do too... well.. it's not only a fetish but a necessity every now and again... About 10 years ago my diabetes hit a low point. The meds they had me one were not working so they kept upping the dosage all the while not knowing or watching what it was doing to my system. The meds were attacking my bladder. It came to a point that I had to wear Depends on a regular basis... I never knew when I would leak. I've since gotten to a point where I can tell the signs of when I either need to get to a bathroom or make sure I'm protected... long trips are a major issue so I've learned to be protected... But then I started going to the M/s conference ... I met Master Skip Chasey as he gave a workshop on the spirituality of fetishes... I then realized that I'm not alone and that being a DL was OK. So after a discussion on the topic with him I decided to delve into my fetish and truly own it and not be embarrassed or scared about it... what I found was when I get stressed or work gets overwhelming I can relax and let go and return to a younger, more intimate time. I don't wear a lot anymore... maybe once or twice every other week or so... but still need to wear when the sugars get messed up... My doctor told me that it probably will never change and I'll need to use some sort of protection from here on out.
Metal... I love metal toys... sounds, surgical steel is the best... I have a set of four - one inch - anal balls, a 2lb ball stretcher with a ball crusher attachment, wortenburg wheel and my newest is a cock lock intruder... it's a cock/ball ring with a metal bar that goes to a 1 inch ball that is inserted in the anus... it goes in deep enough to just touch the prostrate... it is awesome! I love freezing the anal toys... =)
I've been asked why I need fetishes... i have to say that i have fetishes to take me away from life. the stress goes away and i am allowed to relax, enjoy and just flow with whatever happens. Do I need them? well the Depends I do sometimes... but the metal I could go without... but that leave no outlet for escape... something i definitely need every now and again.
I feel that fetishes are a good thing as long as they are not so overbearing that it takes away from who you truly are.
I blogged about this not to long ago... I so want you to know everything... so after much thought I open my book to you... good and bad...
Fetishes... we all have them.. well I do too... well.. it's not only a fetish but a necessity every now and again... About 10 years ago my diabetes hit a low point. The meds they had me one were not working so they kept upping the dosage all the while not knowing or watching what it was doing to my system. The meds were attacking my bladder. It came to a point that I had to wear Depends on a regular basis... I never knew when I would leak. I've since gotten to a point where I can tell the signs of when I either need to get to a bathroom or make sure I'm protected... long trips are a major issue so I've learned to be protected... But then I started going to the M/s conference ... I met Master Skip Chasey as he gave a workshop on the spirituality of fetishes... I then realized that I'm not alone and that being a DL was OK. So after a discussion on the topic with him I decided to delve into my fetish and truly own it and not be embarrassed or scared about it... what I found was when I get stressed or work gets overwhelming I can relax and let go and return to a younger, more intimate time. I don't wear a lot anymore... maybe once or twice every other week or so... but still need to wear when the sugars get messed up... My doctor told me that it probably will never change and I'll need to use some sort of protection from here on out.
Metal... I love metal toys... sounds, surgical steel is the best... I have a set of four - one inch - anal balls, a 2lb ball stretcher with a ball crusher attachment, wortenburg wheel and my newest is a cock lock intruder... it's a cock/ball ring with a metal bar that goes to a 1 inch ball that is inserted in the anus... it goes in deep enough to just touch the prostrate... it is awesome! I love freezing the anal toys... =)
I've been asked why I need fetishes... i have to say that i have fetishes to take me away from life. the stress goes away and i am allowed to relax, enjoy and just flow with whatever happens. Do I need them? well the Depends I do sometimes... but the metal I could go without... but that leave no outlet for escape... something i definitely need every now and again.
I feel that fetishes are a good thing as long as they are not so overbearing that it takes away from who you truly are.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
7/7/10
a lot going on in my mind lately... but not much to talk about right now... lol ok that made no sense... just like everything that's going on.
To many emotions surrounding Master Jake... I'm so honored... I'm so turned on... I'm so WOW over the play time we had... and yet I'm so confused because of the eroticism and sensuality that he brought to it. Pleased and perplexed...
My meditations this week have run the gambit of self imposed celibacy to transparency in the M/s relationship and back to the what-ifs of different Masters... the most challenging is that of transparency. lol... big surprise! Opening up has always been hard to me. But there are times I just don't feel that you need to be bothered... I know that as a Master/slave relationship it shouldn't be my decision what is important or not... I'm not really sure yet where that line is drawn. While we are here I have come to a realization... Guardian Master is a confusing term for many. While you and I know that you are my Master and everything that goes with that I do believe the Title of Guardian is clearer for those around. I'd love to discuss this further at some time.
Well it's getting late... so off to bed for tonight.
To many emotions surrounding Master Jake... I'm so honored... I'm so turned on... I'm so WOW over the play time we had... and yet I'm so confused because of the eroticism and sensuality that he brought to it. Pleased and perplexed...
My meditations this week have run the gambit of self imposed celibacy to transparency in the M/s relationship and back to the what-ifs of different Masters... the most challenging is that of transparency. lol... big surprise! Opening up has always been hard to me. But there are times I just don't feel that you need to be bothered... I know that as a Master/slave relationship it shouldn't be my decision what is important or not... I'm not really sure yet where that line is drawn. While we are here I have come to a realization... Guardian Master is a confusing term for many. While you and I know that you are my Master and everything that goes with that I do believe the Title of Guardian is clearer for those around. I'd love to discuss this further at some time.
Well it's getting late... so off to bed for tonight.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
7/4/10
Happy Birthday America!
This weekend... wow... I had such a great weekend...
This whole thing is from the heart and the well...
Sir... slave matt told me today to have a good time with the family... without even thinking I responded "I would but my family won't be there" he looked at me funny, I continued "my family will be here... I will be there there with my folks and the others... but my family and home is here...". I didn't even think about it till on the way to Woodbridge. I always feel so at home and under your control there. You offer me so much.
Master... I was so happy when you rebuked me at the party when I said that if your back was bothering you to not worry about flogging me... you said you wanted to and nothing would stop you. It had been 35 days since you last flogged me... since we last spent that powerful exchange of energy. I'm not sure why but you pushed harder this time taking me to a deeper place. I so wanted it to end but you knew better where I needed to be... I don't know how you knew that because a lot of things have changed since we last had a heart to heart. for one full night I stayed awake and spent in meditation. I needed to recenter my thoughts, feelings, ideas, desires and goals... in doing so I hit a meditation on transparency and you words that rang so loud... how I needed to let go of the past... leave the pain and the hurt behind and live in and for today. To remind myself of this I set this as a mantra to be recited each morning...
"Master, I offer my day and my life to you. my slaveheart is yours to Master. May peace and trust reign in our lives today."
Master... the memories will always be there... that goes unsaid... but I have made a conscience decision to rule over them and not allow them to rule over me. I ask if you see me slipping back to old habits that you stop me please.
The time with Master Jake... ummm... WOW!!! comes to mind... That man has an ability to touch me on levels that few have dared approach. Sir, I have endured pain before but nothing like that which Master Jake offered me and yet I felt so safe in his hands. I knew to the depths of my soul that he would not hurt me. What an awesome feeling and all the while he whispered in my ears how it was arousing him and giving him such great pleasure as he grabbed my hands and led them to his crotch where a waiting bulge was... He kissed me gently and continued exploring my body for different places to apply pressure... and so we danced... as the time began to close our session he made a statement that will stay with me for a long while... as he held me in a particularly painful way he whispered so softly in my ear that if I was his slave to use there would be much more happening here than what had taken place. It stopped me short to say the least...As I recovered from the pain I asked where he learned that technique he spent the next 10 minutes telling me the story of his youth and how troubled he was... it was so awesome to hear of the trials and tribulations that he went through. We then spent over a half hour talking about martial arts and it's correlation with the M/s life choice.
Master I must confess that he holds a very dear and special place in my heart and I value that... If he ever asks to spend time with me please know that I would be honored to. If he is ever in need please be open to giving him my contact information .... I would be honored to assist when I how I can.
As the time hits 11:20pm I find that I better be getting to bed for I need to be at your house by 9am :)
Thank you again Master for all you do and for an awesome weekend~
This weekend... wow... I had such a great weekend...
This whole thing is from the heart and the well...
Sir... slave matt told me today to have a good time with the family... without even thinking I responded "I would but my family won't be there" he looked at me funny, I continued "my family will be here... I will be there there with my folks and the others... but my family and home is here...". I didn't even think about it till on the way to Woodbridge. I always feel so at home and under your control there. You offer me so much.
Master... I was so happy when you rebuked me at the party when I said that if your back was bothering you to not worry about flogging me... you said you wanted to and nothing would stop you. It had been 35 days since you last flogged me... since we last spent that powerful exchange of energy. I'm not sure why but you pushed harder this time taking me to a deeper place. I so wanted it to end but you knew better where I needed to be... I don't know how you knew that because a lot of things have changed since we last had a heart to heart. for one full night I stayed awake and spent in meditation. I needed to recenter my thoughts, feelings, ideas, desires and goals... in doing so I hit a meditation on transparency and you words that rang so loud... how I needed to let go of the past... leave the pain and the hurt behind and live in and for today. To remind myself of this I set this as a mantra to be recited each morning...
"Master, I offer my day and my life to you. my slaveheart is yours to Master. May peace and trust reign in our lives today."
Master... the memories will always be there... that goes unsaid... but I have made a conscience decision to rule over them and not allow them to rule over me. I ask if you see me slipping back to old habits that you stop me please.
The time with Master Jake... ummm... WOW!!! comes to mind... That man has an ability to touch me on levels that few have dared approach. Sir, I have endured pain before but nothing like that which Master Jake offered me and yet I felt so safe in his hands. I knew to the depths of my soul that he would not hurt me. What an awesome feeling and all the while he whispered in my ears how it was arousing him and giving him such great pleasure as he grabbed my hands and led them to his crotch where a waiting bulge was... He kissed me gently and continued exploring my body for different places to apply pressure... and so we danced... as the time began to close our session he made a statement that will stay with me for a long while... as he held me in a particularly painful way he whispered so softly in my ear that if I was his slave to use there would be much more happening here than what had taken place. It stopped me short to say the least...As I recovered from the pain I asked where he learned that technique he spent the next 10 minutes telling me the story of his youth and how troubled he was... it was so awesome to hear of the trials and tribulations that he went through. We then spent over a half hour talking about martial arts and it's correlation with the M/s life choice.
Master I must confess that he holds a very dear and special place in my heart and I value that... If he ever asks to spend time with me please know that I would be honored to. If he is ever in need please be open to giving him my contact information .... I would be honored to assist when I how I can.
As the time hits 11:20pm I find that I better be getting to bed for I need to be at your house by 9am :)
Thank you again Master for all you do and for an awesome weekend~
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