Morning Sir!
Learned a lesson last night... just after you left David and I hit the hot tub... it was wonderful. The heat just penitrated every muscle I have... We got out just after 10... After drying up I started to feel hot ... I turned on my fan and climbed in bed and fell fast asleep... at 1am woke up and made it to the restroom in just enough time... dehydration took it's toll. I feel a lot better today but am a bit wiser when it comes to hot tubs and dehydration.
I have a few of things to bring up...
I chatted with Lady Lynette she will be down tomorrow afternoon for the meeting not today.
Do you think we might sqeeze in a flogging tonight? It's been a while...
and lastly is something that I've been thinking about with beau returning wednesday... I know it's going to take him a few days to get back and get reorganized... but I would like to suggest a family organizational meeting next week to put on paper what beaus' responsibilities, my responsibilities and david's responsibilities are. It also puts everyone on the same page with your directives for beau so that david and I better understand... but also gives david and I a chance to voice concerns. I feel that if we can all be open and honest with directives and feelings things might go a bit easier.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
The weekend
I'm really happy that you were pleased with my service this past weekend. Hearing that means the world to me. But not for the reasons you may think. You see... one of my deamons is that I tend to question my abilities and second guess my decisions. I didn't realize I was doing this Friday and Saturday until after the formal dinner while everyone ate I sat in the garage and fell apart... being as tired as I was and the stress of everything finally took it's toll and it all spilled out. Luckily no one knew or found out. It's hard facing that this is something I do and I'm not real sure why it happens... I guess it stems from never really being able to measure up to dads expectations always wondering if it or I would be good enough for him always knowing that it and I would never be. To this day he still doesn't understand how much he has hurt me over the years. I'm just happy everything worked out under budget and in a more healthier way.
On another note, Sir I'd like to look ahead at the upcoming functions to see what you would like me to attend...
On another note, Sir I'd like to look ahead at the upcoming functions to see what you would like me to attend...
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
An odd dream that leads to a question....
I had a long involved dream last night that led me to getting up late this morning... not a good way to start a tuesday.
The dream was a review of the weekend at CK, but focused on two areas... our scene on friday and the cathartic flogging class on sunday. I looked at our scene, powerful and energy filled. A very moving time for me and from what I've read in the fetlife messages, touched many others. In looking at the scene, and the majority of our scenes, one thing holds true for me... I'm not vocal and not a big mover... I shift area as I process the energy and for shere comfort... that's about it.
The dream then turned to the class and words that you spoke about how you work off of the release that people show... the animal release, the laughing, the crying, the outburst... I often wonder if it's because my release isn't of the norm that you have never asked me to do a class with you... I understand that nine years of whips, floggers and energy work has taught me to process in a more controlled manner and that probably isn't what you want people to witness... it's more dramatic to have the vocal and movement aspect...
I no longer feel that I'm "not doing it right" because I don't vocalize during our scenes... and I feel that you have tapped into my energy and are able to accept it and work with it as much as I have learned to accept yours.
Master, our time together is special to me... it is the intimacy that I need from you... as an aside... one of my biggest highlights was on Saturday when I sat next to you in the dungeon and you put your arm around me... I wish I could explain how I felt during that time... that connection, that intimacy... Thank you for that Master... it was so appreciated.
The dream was a review of the weekend at CK, but focused on two areas... our scene on friday and the cathartic flogging class on sunday. I looked at our scene, powerful and energy filled. A very moving time for me and from what I've read in the fetlife messages, touched many others. In looking at the scene, and the majority of our scenes, one thing holds true for me... I'm not vocal and not a big mover... I shift area as I process the energy and for shere comfort... that's about it.
The dream then turned to the class and words that you spoke about how you work off of the release that people show... the animal release, the laughing, the crying, the outburst... I often wonder if it's because my release isn't of the norm that you have never asked me to do a class with you... I understand that nine years of whips, floggers and energy work has taught me to process in a more controlled manner and that probably isn't what you want people to witness... it's more dramatic to have the vocal and movement aspect...
I no longer feel that I'm "not doing it right" because I don't vocalize during our scenes... and I feel that you have tapped into my energy and are able to accept it and work with it as much as I have learned to accept yours.
Master, our time together is special to me... it is the intimacy that I need from you... as an aside... one of my biggest highlights was on Saturday when I sat next to you in the dungeon and you put your arm around me... I wish I could explain how I felt during that time... that connection, that intimacy... Thank you for that Master... it was so appreciated.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
It's been a while...
I know it's been a while since I've done any blogging... I really want to try and get back to it on a more regular basis.
There's been a lot of "stuff" going on. Stuff that I've said and feel needs to be expanded upon, stuff that I've heard, seen or experienced. Even stuff that I would like to experience... just a lot of stuff.
I was asked a question yesterday that made me stop and really reflect on the past two weeks. I was asked what I would say if I was asked if I felt Beau would be a good fit for the family. I simply responded that I am leaving my options open at this time but it made me really stop and think about my feeling concerning him. I know that you see some of the stuff that he does but I don't think you see the other side, that being what he doesn't do or better yet what he doesn't seem to get a grasp on. Let me back up and say that I do understand that beau is new at this slavery thing. I also realize that not everyone is service oriented and/or taught to do the most basic of things like dishes, ironing, cleaning, laundry and cooking... let's face it he may be artistically trained but the basics of housekeeping eludes him. I also know that I tend to be a bit anal about how the house should be kept for you... I have explained to beau more than once how the house is a direct reflection on Master and that we never know when Master J or one of the many other Masters may just drop in. There is no reason that the house can't be kept in tip top shape... it just takes a little work. I do worry about beau and his beliefs for being here along with his attitude towards you. Beau has said on more than one occasion that he is here solely to fill your physical needs... sex slave is the term he has used. I would put little belief in this except that his attitude towards his looks oversteps the need for him to assist in work that needs to be accomplished. Let me explain that... Prior to your chat on Saturday there was a lot of little things to finish up... I was busy doing that when I realized that beau had disappeared. I went looking for him to find him primping and preening himself in the restroom. I expressed my need for assistance and was told that he "needed to prepare himself to look good for Master"... I informed him that he needed to assist in preparing the area and food for the guests that were on their way FIRST then get dressed and ready... (note: I was still in just shorts at this time). The week before on our way to the "Formal Dining" class I was asked about stopping so he could pick up a few things... I told him I was planning on stopping at Target to get some under the bed storage units for the room to help with overflow. I asked what he needed and he said hair dye... I asked the purpose of it and was told that "since Master liked Puerto Rican boys he felt it necessary to assume the look of that for him". Maybe on the west coast that is what it is all about but on the east coast being a slave is about how a slave acts and serves not about what the slave looks like. In short vanity on a grand style.... don't misunderstand, there is nothing wrong with looking good but when it over steps service then the focus needs to be redirected ... or at least that's what I feel. So back to the question, I can honestly say that while he may fulfill your physical needs I personally don't feel that he can deal with the pressure of constant functions along with daily household duties. As I mentioned I am leaving my options open... maybe with the training and a 3 plus month internship may prove him able to deal but I can honestly say that I doubt he will make the cut.
Other stuff... The leather community... I can honestly say that I don't understand what the draw is but as of late I have been toying with the need to learn about the leather community in the area. I know that you have said that you don't feel a calling to participate in the leather community but I would like to learn more about it and experience the lifechoice as it is. I would like your guidance with this if you want or if you don't if I could have your blessings to venture out on my own... we can chat more about this later...
I do believe this weekend will go well... It will be nice to be back to the service that I long for and am used to... I really enjoy serving with Ashley in the kitchen.
Well Master, I guess that covers it for now... I'm sure there will be more tomorrow... :)
There's been a lot of "stuff" going on. Stuff that I've said and feel needs to be expanded upon, stuff that I've heard, seen or experienced. Even stuff that I would like to experience... just a lot of stuff.
I was asked a question yesterday that made me stop and really reflect on the past two weeks. I was asked what I would say if I was asked if I felt Beau would be a good fit for the family. I simply responded that I am leaving my options open at this time but it made me really stop and think about my feeling concerning him. I know that you see some of the stuff that he does but I don't think you see the other side, that being what he doesn't do or better yet what he doesn't seem to get a grasp on. Let me back up and say that I do understand that beau is new at this slavery thing. I also realize that not everyone is service oriented and/or taught to do the most basic of things like dishes, ironing, cleaning, laundry and cooking... let's face it he may be artistically trained but the basics of housekeeping eludes him. I also know that I tend to be a bit anal about how the house should be kept for you... I have explained to beau more than once how the house is a direct reflection on Master and that we never know when Master J or one of the many other Masters may just drop in. There is no reason that the house can't be kept in tip top shape... it just takes a little work. I do worry about beau and his beliefs for being here along with his attitude towards you. Beau has said on more than one occasion that he is here solely to fill your physical needs... sex slave is the term he has used. I would put little belief in this except that his attitude towards his looks oversteps the need for him to assist in work that needs to be accomplished. Let me explain that... Prior to your chat on Saturday there was a lot of little things to finish up... I was busy doing that when I realized that beau had disappeared. I went looking for him to find him primping and preening himself in the restroom. I expressed my need for assistance and was told that he "needed to prepare himself to look good for Master"... I informed him that he needed to assist in preparing the area and food for the guests that were on their way FIRST then get dressed and ready... (note: I was still in just shorts at this time). The week before on our way to the "Formal Dining" class I was asked about stopping so he could pick up a few things... I told him I was planning on stopping at Target to get some under the bed storage units for the room to help with overflow. I asked what he needed and he said hair dye... I asked the purpose of it and was told that "since Master liked Puerto Rican boys he felt it necessary to assume the look of that for him". Maybe on the west coast that is what it is all about but on the east coast being a slave is about how a slave acts and serves not about what the slave looks like. In short vanity on a grand style.... don't misunderstand, there is nothing wrong with looking good but when it over steps service then the focus needs to be redirected ... or at least that's what I feel. So back to the question, I can honestly say that while he may fulfill your physical needs I personally don't feel that he can deal with the pressure of constant functions along with daily household duties. As I mentioned I am leaving my options open... maybe with the training and a 3 plus month internship may prove him able to deal but I can honestly say that I doubt he will make the cut.
Other stuff... The leather community... I can honestly say that I don't understand what the draw is but as of late I have been toying with the need to learn about the leather community in the area. I know that you have said that you don't feel a calling to participate in the leather community but I would like to learn more about it and experience the lifechoice as it is. I would like your guidance with this if you want or if you don't if I could have your blessings to venture out on my own... we can chat more about this later...
I do believe this weekend will go well... It will be nice to be back to the service that I long for and am used to... I really enjoy serving with Ashley in the kitchen.
Well Master, I guess that covers it for now... I'm sure there will be more tomorrow... :)
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